my blog has been quiet and boring of late, some people may think it is boring all the time! i just haven't felt like thinking or sharing. originally, i did not want this blog to be a personal, confess-all-and-every-detail-of-my-humdrum-existence-type blog, i wanted to write about things that interest me, things other than my two-year-old son who keeps me busy all day and, sometimes, night.
recently though my mind has been on other things, bigger things, not, what book shall i chose, what food shall i eat?, (although i have a craving for decent chinese that cannot be satisfied here). i can't be bothered with those things, my mind keeps drifting back to the eternal question, should i leave canada and go back to england? should we stay in canada and get citizenship? what is my perfect life? things that i don't really have answers to, just a gut feeling that i'm not sure if i want to be here anymore.
how do you make life's big decisions? i'm not an impulsive person and i can't be anymore, not with a kid and husband in tow. it's not just about me, or us, it's about what is best for our family and our gorgeous boy, and i really don't have an answer right now, i feel a bit stuck, not in a bad way, although sometimes i have found the situation gets me down. more and more often, i visualize myself shopping with my mum, having sunday lunch with my brother and his family, celebrating holidays, easter sunday, popping over to spain, or ireland to see the in-laws and, hopefully for them to come and spend time with us. we're too far away from our families and i think i need to feel closer to them.
the difficulty is that we have a lovely house, i like canada, the people here are friendly and easy-going, life is easy. i know if we move back to england we will hear a million times why we should have stayed in canada. not that i really care what other people think. it has to be the right decision for us all, not just me and material things aren't that important, are they?
